Helping Children Through a Move

We know making the decision to move, finding a new home, arranging for a move, and saying good-byes create stressful times for adults. Parents also need to realize the extra burdens that their children may be facing as a result of a move. For a child, a move may represent a loss of security and a loss of what is familiar. Changes in school, home, church, family doctor and maybe even the loss of relatives nearby, can put stress on a child. Some children handle changes in their routine easily, while others will react negatively to even minor disruption. Some children may become quiet, distant, or non-communicative. Others will show tremendous excitement and energy.

There are several steps you can take to help prevent an over-reaction and to create the feeling in your children that “all will be well in the new home”. Obviously, the first step is to recognize that moving is difficult for them, as well as the adults, and that your children may already be living in a lifestyle that requires a good deal of “coping strength”.

Try to anticipate how your child will react to a move. Children tend to be predictable, so knowing how your child typically handles stressful situations will help you to prepare for their reaction to a move. Look at how they typically respond to change, but also consider what other aspects of each child’s life are already causing them problems.

Break the moving process into the following stages, and under each make a list of what you can do to help you child’s progress:

  • The decision to move
  • Exploring the new neighborhood/city
  • Packing
  • Moving day
  • Saying good-byes
  • Helping to establish friends in the new neighborhood/city

A list of activities that can help with the initial stages (the decision to move), could be to have a family meeting and explain the “when, where, how, and why” of the pending move. You should plan on having frequent discussions about the move because your children will have questions or comments, and a family meeting is a good way to formally present the probability of moving. At this meeting, you could also explain the other stages in the moving process and obtain input from the children about what steps need to be included under each heading. This meeting also serves as a launching point for the attitude the family may have toward the move. Approaching the move in a realistic but positive manner will help the children to be positive as well. Parents need to be aware that their children may not react with much enthusiasm initially.

Remember that children are resilient and capable of adjusting to a variety of changes and situations in their lives. Children can also adjust to the difficulties of a move if parents will take some time to recognize what a move requires of a child, and to do a few things that will enable a child to progress more comfortably and more confidently through the moving process.

Some thoughts:

  • Get a babysitter when you are packing or when the movers are there.
  • Make a list of special toys, books, games to keep with you as you’re traveling.
  • Pack special treats and drinks for the kids as you’re traveling.
  • Help children pack their “special belongings” so they know they will be safe.
  • Communicate and reassure kids frequently. 

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